Last Friday I was out having lunch with a group of friends. There was a cadre of women in the table next to us (along with an older, pot-bellied guy who looked like an eunuch), discussing quite openly male and female behavior. One of the women kept making the point that infidelity is not the man’s fault - it’s the temptress who lures him that’s to blame. After all, how can a man’s fortress of resolve stand up against a persistant woman?
It was amusing watching the expression in our group, as seveal of us were between cracking up and smacking some sense into her. I guess their comments tell you a lot about both the retrogade mentality still present in a lot of people, as well as to why there’s almost a culture of infidelity here.
I’ve personally always thought of relationships (whether romantic, platonic, frienship or work-related) as being a contract - you have to abide by whatever guidelines you agreed upon at the start. Not only that, both parties should enter that contract as equals, and I would expect that they do it because they derive some degree of enjoyment from it.
Needless to say you shouldn’t break that contract, two examples being cheating on your spouse and behaving like a psychotic bitch. If you want to have a more “open” relationship, you should come out to your partner and tell her - renegotiating the terms of the contract - and not just flat-out sleep around on her.
On a similar note, a recent piece in Marginal Revolution asks should you treat your marriage like a job? Their analysis of the question is a great read, and I recommend you do check it out, but the site they referr to falls flat precisely for the same reasons that most people fare miserably at their jobs. The author basically boils it down to a fulfilling a list of requirements, hoops you have to jump through in order to get some morsel.
Following that approach a marriage may certainly last longer, but unless both parties respect both the letter and the spirit of their agreement, and both find enjoyment in what they’re doing, such relationships are doomed to become nothing more significant than a daily trip to your cubicle.